whoooooo, oh gosh.......

why is it, just when i'm getting really happy, things happen to make things bad? i've been getting along great, finally finding my place, actually having a social life, making friends, feeling like i fit in. and then things kinda crumble. course, i can't really talk much about it.... cuz that's just the way i am....... and it's personal.... family stuff. grr...... and my parents are yelling in the background...... and making me very upset..... they just spent forever "talking" with me about all the things they're not happy with me about, all the things they don't like about me, every thing i'm not perfect in, every single flaw i have, making me feel like dirt. they are considering making me quit my job, which i don't know how i'd live if that happened, my job is the only way i have of getting out of this house, staying sane, being with people, i don't think i'd live without it. they were also talking about not allowing me to use the phone too. seriously tho, not like i really do that much at all. i really don't. i'm lucky if i get to talk on the phone with some one once in a day, it's more like i only talk on the phone a couple times a week. and i don't want to give those few times up either. i really really really don't like when things get like this...... tension has been building up for so long, and it's bursting now, the day before Thanksgiving........ this is gonna be lovely........ i really don't see how tomorrow is going to be a pleasant day. i really hope i can just hide away somewhere with my cousin and my brother. you know what, i'm going to bed right now. i don't want to deal with this all, i just want to sleep thru it all and wake up when everyone's beyond it all. everything good and happy again as it should be......... ha, just used spell check, and it's kinda obvious how upset i am, basically every other word was messed up.