doctors.......... stupid

hate my doctor right now........... i guess it's for the best, but i'm not happy about it.... and i don't like him for it right now........ i'll cool off shortly, i always do. says i can't drive anymore....... have to be in bed by 10:15, increase my meds, maybe add onther med on top......... rrrrrrrrrr

soooooo much going on

i have no idea where to even start. well...... kinda not sure what to do about something that i've been worrying about for a while. i know i'll have to do something at some point, but i'm kinda putting it off, cuz i don't know what to do. (ha, sorry, i know, i'm a very cryptic person. i should either come out and say what i mean, or not bother, cuz now you want to know what i mean, and i'm not saying, and now you're all frustrated........ hehe! =P) other than that....... this week has been insane! i had my violin on Tuesday instead of Monday like usual, so i left the house at 8:30 in the morning, after lesson went straight to work, then after work, i go outside, expecting to see my Dad sitting there waiting for me, and instead i see a friend from church whose kids take lessons from my Mom just pulling up. she tells me she's kidnapping me and to get in the car. i was like wha........ she says my Dad couldn't come get me and my Mom had met her at the door when she brought her kids for their lessons and asked if she could come get me. so she brought me home, i walk in and Mommy stops me and says she needs me to take her car and go get Daddy now. i was like what.... wait..... she says, oh she didn't tell you? no.......... Daddy got in an accident. wHaT???????? he's ok, he thinks, but the car is not. and she told me where he was, and i left to go get him. i was scared. she said he was ok, but i guess i didn't believe her at all. i turned my Christmas music up way loud as i drove to try and get my mind off it and cheer me up. i was expecting all kinds of flashing lights and stuff, even police officers keeping me from getting to him, just my overly dramatic mind i guess. but in actually, there was absolutely nothing there, Daddy was just standing out in the cold, by the road, all by himself. he had been there for an hour by the time i got there, he was freezing, and shaking, prolly at least partially from the shock still. but i still didn't get to go home, i had to stop by EO and pick up Nathan, which daddy would've done, but now i had to. (illegal!!!! hehe, i love breaking laws.........) then, i finally went home, but only to eat some supper and leave again! for a choir rehearsal, gosh this cantata is so cool! can't wait to perform it! you all, (well, those who can anyway) must come see/hear it! so that was Tuesday, now for yesterday. had work again, love work. ha, but oh my gosh! errrrrrrr! mean ol brat! hahahahahaha! well, someone knows how to tease me now, oh i was so *mad* at him! ha, did it so i'd be mad too. anyway....... stupid stalker........ came thru my line again....... waited for forever as usual, even when Naomi in front of me had an empty line, and called to him and said she could take him there, he just shakes his head and looks away. oh he makes me so uncomfortable! i'm really seriously getting scared of him! i was going to talk to Nancy, the head of the department, but she left, so i couldn't. i complained to a friend about how she left and i needed to talk with her, as i was getting ready to leave. he asks what i needed to see her for, told him i had a stupid stalker, who was starting to scare me, he says you can't fool around with something like that, and he calls Noah over, this great big guy, he's like the second in charge over the whole store, a big manager person, and he's really nice, but he can also be really scary i've heard. so i told him about the guy, and he was really nice, and said if he ever comes to my line again (ha! if, more like when) to call someone over and have them ring for me. problem is tho, it takes the supervisors soooo long to notice your light's blinking, they might not even be anywhere around, so it could very well be that the next time he comes, and i blink my light, i'd be done with him before someone came. and then, none of the other supervisors know about him, and i'd have to try and explain so they would help me. it's all so confusing and complicated. i just want a body guard to carry around with me...... wish i could take my big bro with me, he's such a hulky muscular figure, he'd scare him off! grr. seriously you guys, he does scare me! at first he seemed kinda nice, and it was just funny he happened to be in my line twice in one day, but now it's just really really disturbing and creepy, and i can't stand to see him! but i'm not working today, have a neurologist appointment to see what we can do, maybe change meds, so i got a friend to take my shift for me. and i don't have work the rest of this week. oh wow! just got next weeks schedule, only scheduled for two days, 10 hours total, that's kinda weird. well, i'm gonna go in today or tomorrow or sometime, and put in the book that i'm available, so anyone who needs someone to switch with can talk to me. oh yes!!! i get to be a service clerk for part of one of my shifts! awesome! anyway, i have done the very scary thing of sending in all my college apps......... and now am awaiting the auditions that will end my fate. terrified. ha, i have a competition coming this Sunday, been practicing so much for it, i might get to play my concerto with an orchestra, (just my hometown orch. no bigee, but still) but after practicing a while, i get so warm, have to remove some of the many layers i wear to try and keep my cold-blooded self warm, and my hand, my left hand, gets so warm, no, not warm, hot. it seriously radiates heat, you don't have to touch it to know it's hot, just hover above it and you will feel it. it gets sore, it's kinda tense right now, trying to relax it, but not really working. it's weird. ok, long enough, need to stop talking. such a bad habit..... i talk too much, i ramble, and it gets boring and annoying. i don't do it so much i guess when i'm actually taking with people, cuz i'm still rather self-conscious, altho i've really been getting better. ok, ok, shutting up now. can't believe you actually read all that.... or did you......? hahahaha!

YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i am loving the christmas music on the radio allll the time, but yesterday, oh my gosh, you will never believe what i heard! for you guys who know me long enough, you understand:

santa must be Polish/ he's jolly as can be/ riding on his sleigh/ with gifts for you and me/ santa must be Polish, all dressed in red and white/ slippin down the chimney while you're asleep at night/
(chorus half in Polish)
santa must be Polish/ he's such a merry man/ bringing lots of toys/ to every one he can/ one things he's demanding, and he wants it understood/ he'll only bring you presents if you've been very good/
(chorus half in Polish 2x)

the whole thing had this polka feel to it, it was awesome!!!!! Bobby Vinton did that song, but he chose not to disclose the lyrics, so i can't get them from anywhere, i really want the Polish one's in the chorus cuz i can't figure them out just by listening to them. mrph. but oh man, it made me so happy! i was going into Big Y to find someone to take a shift for me, and i'm bouncing and laughing and bubbly, humming this song to myself cuz it was playing as i pulled into the parking lot, and people were just like, what is wrong with you? well..... ok.... so maybe they're like that anyway...... hahaha! i can't help it, i really do love Big Y, i love working there, i love being there, i love the people, it's just awesome. oh gosh, i had four different people notice my socks, and it was always in this order; they would notice how colorful my toes were, and then the fact that i was wearing flip flops, and then, hahaha, the fact that they don't match! oh it was great! but anyway..... i really do love that place, it's basically the only social time i get, i mean like, the only other time i'm with people, would be on Sunday, and that's not really social time, that's a worship service and Sunday school, so i don't really get to do more than just "see" my friends. i need to go to Youth Group again......... can't go again this Sat. cuz it's a special thing, babysitting kids so parents can go Christmas shopping, and it starts at like 9:30 in the morning, and i'm usually at the barn until about 11. darn it. but i've allready asked for the day off at work for the next meeting, which i can not remember exactly when it is right now, but i've got it written down somewhere. anyway...... i'm in a really good mood right now, not exactly sure why, but that's ok. maybe it's just from thinking about yesterday, and listening to my Polish santa song right now, hehe! i'm too easily amused, haha, i should be practising right now..... meh..... my mind has blanked, i think i'll go and practice now, maybe write some more later. bye yall!

worried...... well, ok, i'll admit it, scared

ok, so yesterday really wasn't so bad at all. i absolutely love my grandparents and my great aunt and my aunt and uncle and cousin. i wish my other cousin could've come, but he couldn't. but they really made things feel better, there was still a little tension at first, but they are all such jokesters things relaxed pretty quickly. but anyway...... so something happened in the middle of the day that scared me. and seriously, i don't really scare that easily, i tend to downplay things, and things may worry me, but i don't really get scared too often. maybe that's a weakness of mine, i don't know, but this does scare me....... and i just can't talk about it with people...... i don't know why, specially cuz most everyone who reads this knows already. well...... ok.... let me think..... everyone except one. that i know of anyway. my sister knows, duh, don't know if her bf reads, prolly not, but he prolly knows something about it, Datsrerdly knows at least a little, in any case, i've mentioned it a few times, another friend who reads, i've told her a few times...... so only one other doesn't know...... i think.... and i'm a wuss, so i've never talked about it, but i need to. if you know who you are, next time i talk with you, make me tell you, don't let me pass it over. but of course i'm not going to say anything on here about it... cuz that's the stupid way i am. but because of it, my parents have softened up toward me, which is good. i guess. grr. i actually need to finish up, i have like half an hour to eat something and get ready to go to work. working another 6 hour shift, which i don't really like, but this time it will (hopefully) not be as busy as the other two days i worked this week. oh yeah, forgot, the clock on my site is messed up, i don't know what time it says i'm posting this, it seems to change every time, but it's really just after 11, i work from 12-6, grr, need that time to practice....

whoooooo, oh gosh.......

why is it, just when i'm getting really happy, things happen to make things bad? i've been getting along great, finally finding my place, actually having a social life, making friends, feeling like i fit in. and then things kinda crumble. course, i can't really talk much about it.... cuz that's just the way i am....... and it's personal.... family stuff. grr...... and my parents are yelling in the background...... and making me very upset..... they just spent forever "talking" with me about all the things they're not happy with me about, all the things they don't like about me, every thing i'm not perfect in, every single flaw i have, making me feel like dirt. they are considering making me quit my job, which i don't know how i'd live if that happened, my job is the only way i have of getting out of this house, staying sane, being with people, i don't think i'd live without it. they were also talking about not allowing me to use the phone too. seriously tho, not like i really do that much at all. i really don't. i'm lucky if i get to talk on the phone with some one once in a day, it's more like i only talk on the phone a couple times a week. and i don't want to give those few times up either. i really really really don't like when things get like this...... tension has been building up for so long, and it's bursting now, the day before Thanksgiving........ this is gonna be lovely........ i really don't see how tomorrow is going to be a pleasant day. i really hope i can just hide away somewhere with my cousin and my brother. you know what, i'm going to bed right now. i don't want to deal with this all, i just want to sleep thru it all and wake up when everyone's beyond it all. everything good and happy again as it should be......... ha, just used spell check, and it's kinda obvious how upset i am, basically every other word was messed up.

ha, busy........

soooo much going on right now, it's crazy! i had to go out to West Hartford yesterday for my violin lesson, and then to a Doctor appointment in Hartford (hate doctors.............. ech) and then, hehe, i had a hair cut in the afternoon, and i'm having a lot of fun now! i also did some errands for my Mom. but now today is gonna be even busier, not really cuz i'm gonna be doing so much, it's just that i'm working a 6 hour shift, and considering it's two days before Thanksgiving, we are gonna be swamped, same tomorrow, it's gonna be crazy. i heard we're gonna have all 13 registers open, insane, and i guess they're just gonna go down the line giving 15 minute breaks in order of the registers, so it doesn't really matter when you get there, you could be there for only half and hour or so and get your break! but anyway, it'll be fun....... and crazy. haha, today, i'm gong to the post office, and i'm going to send a surprise package to a friend! i can't wait to find out her reaction! ohhhh man is she gonna love it! i love surprising people! i love sneaking up on people at work, it's so great! hahahaha, people at work are discovering how to tease me........ it's really fun! the other day, i was on break at the same time as a friend from another department, so when we both got up to leave, i straighten my chair, and i walk around the table, cuz i have to to get out of the room right, so i'm going around it anyway, so i fix the chairs as i pass them, make them straight (i don't know why, but this is where my Dad lost it when i was telling him this) and when i got to the other side of the table, my friend was just looking at me with this look that said, what is wrong with you, he couldn't believe what he was seeing i guess. i say it looks better now, and then notice a chair on the other side i hadn't gotten, it was before the point that i started fixing. i was going to just leave it, but it was bugging me, so i went around to fix it, and immediately, my friend jumps into action and messes up all the chairs and leaves! grrrrr! made me mad! well, ok, not really....... but that was mean! there are so many other stories from work, but i don't have time, and actually, they're prolly not very interesting to any of you, since you don't know the people. i need to get some work done now before i leave.

you've got a way with me/ somehow you got me to believe/ in everything that i could be/ i've gotta say.... you really got a way
you've got a way it seems/ you gave me faith to find my dreams/ you'll never know just what that means....
you've got a way with words/ you get me smiling even when it hurts..........
it's just the way you are

ouch

hey guess what happened to me today guys! i got bit! grrrrrrr, stupid mean ol brat horse......... the one who always eats my hood, and my hair, and is just a trouble maker, he bit me, and it really hurts! even tho it was thru three layers, it's still really bruised now, and painful. ok this is creeping me out...... i'm like, seeing bits of the Matrix as i'm on here, and it's not making sense, and i'm getting really creeped..... ahhhhhhhhhh! i don't understand it! (yeah, for those of you wondering, i've never seen it before) oh my gosh, what the heck! i don't get it.......... meh. anyway. i had a fun day at work today, i love how people are getting to know me enough to tease me and mess around with me! it's awesome! oh dear, but i'm getting so incredibly freaked out! there's this customer at work who is seriously stalking me! he always comes thru my line, and one day, i'm serious, he came thru 4 times!!!! it's really getting creepy! my friend Matt was bagging for me today when the guy came thru, and after the next customer, i told Matt all about it, and how one time, i was just getting off on break, when i saw him, with only two items, looking for a line, and i was sooo happy i was on break! but, when i got back, the second my light was on again, a woman walks in, and immediately behind her is none other than that guy! with the same two items!!!! yeah, matt was like, that is seriously creepy! he told me that if that guy comes thru my line again and Matt is there, to just run away, and he'll ring him out for me. and he was dead serious. i was very thankful for that. other than that...... i got to use this really cool..... thing..... no idea what to call it...... that the produce people use to put the price stickers on the produce, it looks kinda like a gun...... sorta, you click the button, let go, then smack the sticker on, and repeat. i stopped to talk with a friend in produce and when he pulled that out and whizzed thru a box of mushrooms doing that, i was like what the heck is that????? he showed me slowly what to do, and then let me try it! soooo fun! what can i say, i'm easily amused. and i'm tired...... need to go sleep now...... bye yall!

soooo tired

and bored. hate applications. really don't like parents saying, oh, well, you should apply here now, at the last minute. ech. anyway. you know, it's really funny what different people think about me. i like to just sit back and think about how many different views of me there are, just from the different sides of me people get to see. but what's really kinda funny, is how many people who really don't know me much at all, and not for very long either, say how very nice and sweet i am, one of the nicest people they know, and they don't even know me! like this guy at work, my best friend there's older brother, i was talking with him the other day, and their family is also large and homeschooled. when it finally came out that i was homeschooled too, he's like, aha! the truth comes out! i kinda thought you were, not sure why, but i wondered. i joked that i just have the look of a homeschooler, and he goes no, not really, it's just that you're nice, you're just nice. hahaha! i thought it was funny! 'specially cuz it was only like the second time i had talked with him. and then at orchestra last nite! haaaa, i have a very good friend who goes to orchestra now, and it makes me feel better for there to be someone i know. anyway, she had introduced me to a friend of hers back when we started, and i had talked with him a couple times maybe since then, but neither of us really knew the other's name, so a couple weeks ago, we made it a point to ask about the other person's name, and he just couldn't remember mine, so i told him if it was easier to remember, he could just call me evil. hehe! well last nite, during break, he asks, now what was that nickname you're called, meany or something, evil... i'm like yeah, evil. he's like, ok... why? i told him cuz i'm evil! he's like really.... well, ok, maybe not evil evil, but i'm evil..... in a nice way...... sorta..... but evil. he says no you're not, i know some really evil people, really mean people, and you gotta be one of the nicest people i know. haaaaaa, i think it's really amusing. ha, 'specially the way i can be "evil" to some people. you know, it's just really funny how many different ways people see me, like this really quiet shy girl, this "sweet" girl (HA!) funny, cute, crazy, wild, all that, it's really quite amusing! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! i gosh, wow, i'm in the wackiest mood right now! so i've run out of creative ideas, cuz every single online app. needs you to create a user name, and they call you that name in their emails to you, and file you under that name, so i usually try to do something that has to do with my name, but for the school i'm doing right now, there wasn't anything available that i could think of, so i finally just did "bwuahaha" and that is now my user name, and that is how they shall refer to me and file me as! oh dear..... and i'm laughing sooo hard, cuz i just got an email, addressed to bwuahahaha! oh this is awesome! heeeeee! ok, i need to finish this, cuz i have other work to do, and today, i actually have work work, like Big Y work! yesss! for some reason, they only scheduled me for Thu, Fri, and Sat this week, kinda weird. anyway, gotta go now! hope everyone's enjoying this... lovely....er, uh...... day, that is not...... raining. absolutely refuse to admit it, it's a gorgeous day out there! seriously!

well, this is kinda sad....... i've been online like, allll morning, working, but i also had my AIM up, and only three others were signed on, but they were (and are) away...... yah yah, i know.... it's a school day...... but still, it makes me sad. *bwuahahaaaa, i'm on my secret name, hehehehe! but if someone came on, i'd sign off and get on one they know* anyway, yeaaah. i really don't have anything to say....... meh. i was going to change the music again, but couldn't find anything i wanted. i'll have to do a better search later. keeheeee! i'm talking with myself online! HA! i do that a lot actually....... heeee, yeah, my older bro was making fun of me for how much i talk to myself. haha, like he and my younger bro were heading to the gymn to work out and passed me on my way home from the barn, and they saw me talking to myself and they just won't let it go now! ok, i'm gonna go now. byeee!

haaaa, having too much fun

gosh, well, some of you know that i have two AIM screennames........... well, because of a friend of mine, i made another one, just to be silly......... and then i decided to make yet another one, but absolutely no one is going to know what this one is! muahahaaaaa! so now i can like, spy...... or something...... hide...... haha! yeah, it's a lot of fun! only a few know about my second SN, and currently only one knows about my third, i'll tell maybe two or three others...... but no one's gonna know about the other! i am signed on that one right now, but no one else is online anyhow. well, my sister and her boyfriend are, they always are, but they're both away, as usual. anyway, i'm just having fun. that's all.

confused

i'm confused. and can't say why or what about. darn. rats. well, not talking about that, my mom just got two new kittens yesterday!!!!!! we already have three cats and a dog, but she just got two more, and they are sooooooo cute! of course, she had to stop after my lesson today to get all kinds of stuff for them, and boy was that a mistake! i love animals sooo much, and i was falling in love with every single bird there and the hamsters and mice.......... ha, actually, yeah, i almost got a bird...... and still might for Christmas.......... i can't help it! i love animals....... thing is, if i get a bird, i won't be able to let cats in my room ever again. :( but i love my cats! i love how they come sleep with me in my bed....... darn it, but i want a bird! ok, this is gonna be a really short post i guess. hehe, ever since i got my picture blog, my posts have gotten really short..... hm, don't know if that's a good thing or not...

meh, all alone..... well, not really, but...

well, me be's online, but then, no one else is on now...... rats. there are like, three others on line right now, but they've all been away for at least several hours, one since yesterday. poo. don't feel like putting more pictures up... don't really have many more left right now either, and not sure what to post either. i put up a new song tho. gosh i love Cars! wow this is weird. absolutely no train of thought right now. haha, it's all my brothers' faults, they are such brats! hahaha! gosh, they were being so evil to me. my Dad had to leave for a meeting, and my Mom was out somewhere, so it was just us kids eating lunch together, and they spent the whole time teasing me! i really don't mind as much as i put on i do. and they know it too. i just give them a good laugh, and they have sooo much fun doing it. ha, anyway, it's absolutely pouring right now, after a couple days of beautifulness, now it's nasty. maybe that's why i can't concentrate. well, part of why.... i know the other part. not saying tho. "behind the clouds/ the sun is shinin'/ believe me even though/ you can't quite make it out/ you may not see the silver linin'/ but there's a big blue sky waitin'/ right behind the clouds" ha, now i'm in a lyric mood, ok, can't help it, got this song stuck in mah head, so me is goin to put up ALL the lyrics to it! bwahaha! and that will prolly be all that i post today. here it be! "when you find yourself/ in some far off place/ and it causes you to rethink some things/ you start to sense that slowly/ you're becoming someone else/ and then you find yourself
when you make new friends in a brand new town/ and you start to think about settlin' down/ the things that would have been lost on you/ are now clear as a bell/ and you find yourself/ yeah that's when you find yourself
well you go through life/ so sure of where you’re headin'/ and you wind up lost/ and it's the best thing that could have happened/ cause sometimes when you lose your way/ it's really just as well/ because you find yourself/ yeah that’s when you find yourself
when you meet the one/ that you've been waitin' for/ and she's ("he's", hehe) everything that you want and more/ you look at her ("him")/ and you finally start/ to live for some one else/ and then you find yourself/ that’s when you find yourself
when we go through life/ so sure of where we're headin'/ and we wind up lost/ and it's the best thing that could have happened/ cause sometimes when you lose your way/ it's really just as well/ because you find yourself/ yeah that's when you find yourself"

internet restriction

so then, my internet restrictiong has been lifted! for the time being at least. well, i can't get on til 8 in the morning, but who needs to be on any earlier? and i don't know, but i prolly can't stay on after 10 still. but my mom was getting really sick of asking me to get my work schedule and having me tell her that i couldn't, didn't have internet time till later, or asking me to do something else, and couldn't, cuz no internet, and i'd be at work during my allowed time. OHO! guess what guess what! i finally saw Cars yesterday!!!! oh gosh, i LOVE Mater! he is soooo awesome! i want like a stuffed doll of him, or pillow, or something........ love him! ok, going and doing more pictures now.....

pictures

ok, just created a picture blog, and linked to it on the left. only one picture in it.......... hehehe! yeah..... of my feet........ i will add to it when i have time, and maybe find a better way to link to it, but this will have to do for now.

let's be organized......

ok, so, trying something new. haha, i will attempt *ahem* to be organized, lol, in my writing. yah, sure =P so anyway, i guess that would make this like the introductory paragraph, or something....... and i guess i have to start another paragraph for anything else i say now. confusing..... i’m not a very organized person, we’ll see how long this lasts........
ok..... well, now this is really weird, i can’t do this! my train of thought is so random and everything is connected, i can’t separate like this! meh meh, errrrr, uh, ok, concentrate. hm, well, i have decided to start another blog, that i shall link to here, haven’t quite figured out how yet, but i’ve seen it done, and this blog shall just be pictures. my Dad finally showed me how to hook up my camera to the puter so now i can get my pictures on it, and now i shall put some of them up for others to see. haha, and now i have several pics to use as my profile pic, about time i changed it. thing is, the one i was going to use, my brother was looking thru my camera and when he came to that one, he goes Whew! look at this hotness! gosh Rachel, you look so sexy! and i guess he has a german project of making a family tree, and you need pictures of everyone, and he decided he really wanted that one, and had me print it for him. then he gets talking about how he’s gonna bring “this hotness” to school and then he says, oh but, none of the guys in German are cool, i don’t want them looking at your picture.... oh well, i’m still bring this hotness with me and people will be like, whoa, that’s your sister? anyway, that made me really self-conscious about the picture, and i still want to use it, but i’m kinda afraid to. rawr. in any case, when this is posted, i will have put a new picture up, what it is i shall decided later.
ok, new topic....... this feels weird. haha! oh dear, i just looked up, and each paragraph i have started with “ok” i need to stop that...... must find another word...... or maybe don’t use a word, just launch right into each random thing. anyway, must decide which of the many subjects i wish to talk about now. i shall talk about work. actually have two things to say abut work, but let’s do the funnier one first. so my boss has this thing about water, or any drink actually. she doesn’t think it’s good courtesy to the customers to see us drinking, so we’re “not allowed” to have drinks, but pretty much everyone does, we just hide them under our registers. well the other day, Nancy (my boss) caught me with my water, she goes, “what are you doing? you know you’re not supposed to have that, so get rid of it.” i did not drink any more the rest of my shift. but the next day, or nite actually, i dropped in to fixt my availability schedule, and saw Jay, and he started telling me how Nancy had been in a bad mood that day, she had yelled at him, and at a couple other people there. i told him about the water thing the previous day. that was Sat. so yesterday, Jay was doing the trash in the evening, gets to my register and goes Rachel! soda and water! you’re not supposed to have those, so i’ll just toss em out for you..... the soda wasn’t mine, someone had left it under there before, and i told him that, so he throws it away, and starts to take my water and i’m like no no! you can’t take that! it’s my water, i need it, give it back! he was just being a goof and gave it back. but then later, oh my gosh! hooooo, he is so mean! oh what a brat! hahahaha! so it was about 8 at nite, pretty quiet in the store, and after a customer left my line, Jay was down at the end bagging, and he goes, man, you do not pay attention. Nancy just walked behind you and took your water. i was like wHaT???? i look and it’s not there, so i’m spluttering and all like, but she didn’t but it’s my water she took it? no no, but but.... and so on, just random bursts of stuff. and he’s just like yeah, she just walked by and took it, she just tossed it out over at the booth. i looked over and she was standing over there. then i was like grrr, but my water is very important to me, oh my gosh, i can’t believe she took it. Jay had come around to where i was at that point, and he goes, well if your water is that important to you, *places my bottle down next to me* you should pay more attention to it. oh. my. gosh. you should’ve seen me! i couldn’t believe he had just done that to me! i mean, it was really funny, oh but it was so horrible! i’m basically dying of laughter thinking about it now. anyway, that was a seriously long paragraph. new topic now. not going to talk about the other work topic, i’ll do that some other day.
i was really thinking about not saying anything about this, but it’s upsetting me too much to not. except actually, i can’t really say anything about it. rawr. but something made me incredibly upset last nite. i can’t believe how upset i got, it was bad. it took a while to calm down enough to sleep. but darn it, i can’t talk about it on here. i can’t really talk to anyone about it, except maybe my brother, but even he wouldn’t totally understand or help. so anyway, i guess that was kinda a waste to even mention, except that it’s still really really upsetting me, when i let myself think about it. but you know the thing is, when there’s something you don’t want to think about, it seems like that is the one thing you can’t get out of your mind. rrrrrrrrr.
time to figure out what picture to use, and how to get a picture blog set up.

rain

rain rain rainrainrainrainrain........... meh. ha, i’m listening to my rainy playlist, got 24 songs about rain in it, i prolly have more in my itunes i didn’t think of, and others on CD’s not yet in my library. i don’t like the rain. well, it depends i guess. sometimes i like it, but mostly it makes me feel kinda depressed. i guess it’s when i’m with other people that it’s not so bad. like at camp, it rained the whole week, but it wasn’t too bad, i still had fun. hahaha! and at the missions trip, oh gosh, we had sooo much fun! it was raining one morning, and the VBS team was pretty much all set, so most of us were sitting around waiting for the kids with nothing to do, so we’re like, let’s go out in the rain! so we run out, go in circles being crazy, and start dancing with each other in the rain! it was so awesome! and we started singing rain songs, like Raindrops Keep Fallin On My Head, and then of course, Singin in the Rain, and that got us started going thru all the songs in that movie, it was so great. oh man, we had so much fun in VBS, we were such a great group. randomly one morning, we started doing the Cotton Eyed Joe, and then we did the Macarena, and the chicken dance, just singing all the music while we danced, it was amazing! ha, but of course, people had to get out their cameras and tape us, but that’s ok i guess. man i miss youth group so much! i just knew it, there was no youth group last week, and i was not scheduled for work, this sat. however, there is youth group, and i’m scheduled for work, grawr. but i think i have someone who’ll work for me. i haven’t been to a meeting since sep. not cool. and i know i can’t go next sat. cuz it’s in the morning, raking leaves for an elderly lady, but i’ll be at the barn working. meh. but maybe i can go to the Leadership core meeting Friday nite, as long as i don’t have work, or if i do, find someone to take my shift. hope hope. haha! ok, so yesterday at work, it was the day after halloween ok, and they took down all the halloween stuff, and what do they do but put up Christmas stuff! really guys, what about Thanksgiving? seriously, what the heck. anyway, it was kinda a slow day, but at least my pretty much best friend there was working in the lane right in front of me, she’s so awesome. it’s funny how much we have in common. same age, both homeschooled, Christian, musicians, she sings and plays piano, going to be a music ed major, both have large families, live in the same town, and our sense of humor is so similar, it’s just awesome. i guess prolly the only really interesting thing that happened was when Jay came in limping, cuz he had shot himself in the leg with a nail gun. his main job is roofing, that’s what he does in the mornings. but anyway, don’t really understand the whole story, but he shot himself in the leg with his nail gun, the only part of the nail sticking out of his pants was the head, and he just grabs it and pulls it out......... OUCH! the thing is, these nails have mercury in them, so i was like, Jay, go to a hospital, why are you here at work, you should go to a hospital, now. but he didn’t, and i had to leave at that point for rehearsal. ha, got new music, insane. we’re doing this John Adams chairman dances......... impossible...... cannot play it. there is just no way you could ever count it. ha, but Howard was like, funny thing is, when we play it right, it actually won’t sound much different than it does right now. that’s, uh, hopeful..... yeah.... right. hehe, me and my stand partner, we were having fun together, making jokes about it, and our attempts to play it, and how this thing is called a dance, and we’re like, oh it’s so very... er... attractive...... oh yes, i’d def want to, er, dance to it....... ahem. you know what i just noticed, i’m typing this up in Word right now, and it automatically capitalized halloween, but not Thanksgiving, that’s just so wrong! i shall fix when i get to my blog this afternoon, shall uncap Halloween, and cap Thanksgiving. you know what, i miss my IM a lot. i really don’t get to use it at all anymore, just don’t have the time. used it once last week, but really don’t get enough time to go on it anymore. and i don’t have time to email as much either, altho i try to. maybe i should take up snail mail full time.......... HA! nope, can’t do that, i’m too impatient. but maybe i will send occasional letters to people, just to be fun. ahhhh, i feel so out of touch with everyone! not cool! but i have plans to get together with a couple different people, so that’ll be good, and hopefully youth group. i love people, just being around them makes me happy. like i walk into work and immediately i’m singing and talking to myself, all smiling and happy, it’s so funny, people used to look at me as if there was something wrong with me, now they just kinda smile and shake their heads as i pass. hahaha! wanna know something ridiculous? course you do! so we were having this huge sale and a bunch of items, 20 for $10, and you can mix and match items. so one of the items was tuna, and for some reason the barcode wasn’t scanning, and you had to manually enter in the whole number. so i did that last Friday with an order, 20 cans of that number, after the 5th or so, i had the number memorized. came back on Monday, and the cans still weren’t ringing in, and i actually still had the number memorized. then yesterday, the guy right behind me had the cans for the first time, and i told him, hahaha, you gotta enter in the barcode for every single can Brian! told him i memorized it, it’s 1889450860, haha! anyway, randomness. oh wow, gosh, long post, should stop now. don’t remember now if i even said anything worthwhile...... oh well, who cares. k, shall be done now.

soft and low the music moans/ i can't stop thinking about you/ thinking about you... / waiting and wondering about you....