lyrics

arg wu sentafinticate nar dunderford/ bida menti kosticated interserd/ thorphilliate stinded yilla billa zay/ wentora yate paravillintiniay/ paravillintiniay
dorga orpha dorga billa/ dorga orpha stifaleare/ dorga orpha dorga billa/ tonalation fonamere
stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking now
if i had one wish/ well i don't know what i'd wish for/ but if i had a million zillion wishes/ i'd use one to let you know that gibberish is/ not a nice way to talk to all your
mork sawx ippen reeby yufftabar/ higgerd quillip ernigrade du wellinshar/ lirp crawn xyfa gourk jawinstabray/ venaldo urp paravillintiniay / paravillintiniay
stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking/ stop talking gibberish/ or just stop talking now
if i had one wish/ well i don't know what i'd wish for/ but if i had a million zillion wishes/ i'd use one to let you know that gibberish is/ not a nice way to talk to all your friends
(that is Relient K, gibberish, you can scroll down to the bottom and click on it on my playlist to listen to it)

i was sitting on a bar stool/ in a barbecue joint in Tennessee/ when this ole boy walked in/ and he sat right down next to me/ i could tell he'd been through some hard times/ there were tear stains on his old shirt/ and he said you wanna know what you get/ when you play a country song backwards
you get your house back/ you get your dog back/ you get your best friend Jack back/ you get your truck back/ you get your hair back/ ya get your first and second wives back/ your front porch swing/ your pretty little thing/ your bling bling bling and a diamond ring/ you get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley/ first night in jail with Charlie/ sounds a little crazy, a little scattered and absurd/ but that's what you get when you play a country song backwards
well i never heard it said quite like that/ it hit me in the face cause that's where i'm at/ i almost fell flat out on the floor/ he said wait a minute that's not all there's even more
you get your mind back/ your nerves back/ your first heart attack back/ you get your pride back/ you get your life back/ you get your first real love back/ you get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine/ you get the pond and the lawn/ the bail and the mower/ you go back where you don't know her/ it sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd/ but that's what you get/ when you play a country song backwards/ oh play that song/ Woo!!!
we sat there and shot the bull about how it would be/ if we could turn it all around and change this c-r-a-p
you get your house back/ you get your dog back/ you get your best friend Jack back/ you get your truck back/ you get your hair back/ ya get your first and second wives back/ your front porch swing/ your pretty little thing/ your bling bling bling and a diamond ring/ you get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley/ first night in jail with Charlie/ you get your mind back/ your nerves back/ your first heart attack back/ you get your pride back/ you get your life back/ you get your first real love back/ you get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine/ you get the pond and the lawn/ the bail and the mower/ you go back where you don't know her/ it sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd/ but that's what you get/ when you play a country song backwards
(that is Rascal Flatts, Backwards, again, you can listen down at the bottom)

i know, a very pointless post....... but i'm in a weird mood right now, and have nothing else to say, so there ya go! listen and enjoy!
(btw, don't you dare, any of you, tell either of my brothers about backwards! they will tease me about it for the rest of my life! they make fun of country enough as it is, and Geoff has his own thing about playing a country song backwards, he would love this just too much!)

more memories

again, i'm pasting from my shoutlife. i know it makes two posts in one day, and both long, but oh well, you don't have to read them.
gosh, do you know what a wonderful feeling it is to come back from a shopping excursion, having gotten what you wanted, and having saved more than you spent?? haha! =D yay! it was awesome. but i won't talk about shopping, that's a kinda boring topic anyway. i was having a good time with memories again today. (i actually wrote about memories in my other blog, here is a link to that post if ya wanna check it out: http://flppnsweetviolin.blogspot.com/2007/01/memories.html ) i was remembering with my parents about my surgery 9 years ago, and it wasn't hard memories, they were fun, just a bunch of little things. it's kinda funny the different things we each remembered about that time, i had such different memories from anyone else. i remembered HATING that catheter with every once of me, absolutely insisted they get rid of it, i was perfectly capable of using the bathroom myself, thank-you-very-much! i remembered this nice nurse who came in my room, reclined me back a little, and washed my hair in this lovely warm bucket of water, it felt wonderful! then when going home, i was not allowed to lie down for a while, i have no idea how long, but it felt like absolutely forever that i was confined to that recliner, escept not reclined, and actually had many many pillows stuffed behind me..... oh how i wanted to just be FREE! and when my best friend came, we palyed with barbies *blush* and my mom says we painted our toenails or something, i don't remember that. i also remember going to my neurosurgeon when he was going to remove the staples, and i wanted to see the tool he was using, and he let me have it, actually, i still have it, i've kept it all these years! my Dad said he remembered me talking to my surgeon about how long did it take, and then why did it take that long? i figure it should take maybe 10 minutes to cut in, 10 to remove the tumor, 10 to close it up again, so it should therefore take about half an hour, not however many hours it took. something like 4 or 5, can't remember. but anyway, i do not remember that at all, but boy does my Dad! he remembers Dr. Gham's twinkle in his eyes as he listens to me, and how he laughed, but not in a mean way, and how much he just enjoyed that all! but anyway, this time, i have plans for my time in confinement. MARATHON TIME!!!!!! LOTR marathon, Matrix, P&P, maybe Star Wars, North and South, Wives and Daughters, there was another i'm forgetting right now...... oh well, i actually have to get to bed now, nighties!

random thoughts

ok, just a bunch of random thoughts that have been going thru my head lately, and other stuff. i spent a good part of my morning today planning (shocker!) my school work for the next couple months. i actually went thru it all and figured out what i'd need to do in order to be done before my surgery, and right now, i'm either going to be done on April 16 or 18, depends on if i decide to take off these two Friday's Nathan has off, cuz i usually go by his schedule. so this way, i will be done a week before my surgery, and have NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA! gosh but that will be fun to tease people about! college friends who won't be done til the middle or end of May, and HS friends who won't be done til the middle of June, haha! anyway, that's a happy prospect. other stuff going on...... let's see, me and my best friend are going to get together to celebrate valentines day, cept it's going to be a week late cuz of scheduling, but we're going to go see a movie, and maybe eat at the mall, prolly do some shopping, just have a good girly time, so i'm looking forward to that! oh oh oh!!! guess what i found out yesterday! did you know that trampoline is an actual sport? an olympic one at that???? at church last nite i saw Mr. Craig helping his 12 year old (i think) son Howie with his posture, hands straight up above his head, getting him perfectly straight, and i asked him what he was doing, and he started talking about how Howie was on the trampoline team. so i asked him about that, and found out that it's a real sport, an olympic one at that, he showed me a video he had on his palm pilot of Howie doing a double backflip at a meet that he won first place for, and told me about how this girl who was the olympic gold medalist was at their school and was helping Howie, and the coach doesn't let anyone under 14 do backflips, but he let Howie do it! it was such an interesting topic! we got talking about what we do on our trampoline, the games we've made up, the one we do blindfolded, ("now you guys are just crazy!" was his response hehe) but that was really cool. i seriously did not know it was a sport. you guys prolly all knew that already tho..... i'm always the last to find things out, it's rather depressing..... ok fine, so maybe it's not :+) anyway..... i love the Easter cantata we're working on right now, another new compostition by Mr. Shaw, it's such awesome stuff! i have to agree with my Dad, Easter is my favorite holiday, and part of that is from the music. course i love Christmas music, but Easter music is so amazing! in this cantata, there are such moving peices, mournful ones, i can't even begin to describe some of them, like when Jesus enters the temple that has been turned into a "den of thieves", the music is amazing. and of course, all the music for the resurection, oh my gosh, so incredible, it just fills you with this wonderful joy! during and after the Christmas cantata, i would go around the house, and work, and everywhere, singing parts of it, cuz it was just stuck in my head, i've only been to two rehearsals for the Easter one, but already, i'm singing some of the music randomly. course, i already know some of it. Mr. Shaw had written a few pieces for Easter a while back, and we've sung some of them in choir last year, and he used some of them, either in whole, or in part in his cantata, so that helps members of the choir who did them already. i can't wait!!!! it's going to be amazing, i'm telling you! i think it's going to be recorded, they recorded the Christmas one anyway. which is actually kinda sad, i know it was the premiere performance and all, but still, our choir is not exactly the greatest. oh well. i'm actually really tired right now. i was exhausted yesterday, so i took a 2 + 1/2 hour nap, which felt amazing btw, but of course, made it so i couldn't fall asleep till about midnite last nite. mrph. so now, i'm feeling in need of a nap, but i'm not going to do that to myself again. alrighty then, now it be's lunch time, so i shall end now.
(grr, ok, once again, the clock is messed up! why it doesn't stay with the same time, i will never know. first it was an hour off, can't remember in which direction, then it was an hour off in the other direction, then it was half an hour slow, then like 20 minutes slow, now it's something like an hour and 10 minutes or so slow, it does not make sense..... so right now it is 12:18, so i'm not eating an insanely early lunch or anything.)

surgery

i'm pasting this from my ShoutLife, i love that site! i have so much fun there, and have made many friends. anyway, here it is:
so...... i now have a date set. i go in for brain surgery on April 25th, 4 days after my b-day, but that's ok, i'm kinda thinking of it as a birthday gift, cuz i just want this to be over, don't want to be dealing with it any longer. i will be staying in the hospital for 3-5 days, but that's what they said last time and i was only there for 2...... but maybe that's just cuz i was so young, and now that i'm old :) it'll take longer. and then they say an estimated recovery time of 4-8 weeks. i'm personally hoping for more like 3..... and no one in my family can remember how long it took last time. but anyway, so there's that. something to look forward to and dread at the same time.

profile pic

so i finally changed it...... and this time it's not all washed out from too much sun or flash..... darn it. oh well, so that's from when my fam went to get our picture taken, and we did a few individual shots, and that's one of me. obviously :) anyway, that's all for now. me is tired..... and have a million things to do, so i best get busy.

deep thoughts

so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and this is actually something i just posted in my blog on ShoutLife, i decided to be lazy and paste it in here too. just a warning..... it's very serious, not in my normal style of writing, but this is also "me", just another side of me, that i don't show as often.

i have been learning many lessons lately, but the biggest one is trust. even tho it's so hard to entrust the big things in our lives to God, we still know in a way, that we have to, there's nothing we can do about them, except trust God with them. but then, we feel all good about ourselves for "letting them go", as if we've done some big self-denial thing. but really, the hardest things to give up are the little things, the one's we hold onto so tightly, and hope God doesn't find out about them, cuz He might mess up our plans, He might not want what we want. those are the things we need to let go of the most. i've been learning how tightly i've been holding on to things, things i want, ideas in my head, all these little things that make me feel like i have some measure of control over things, when i really don't. i have been learning, very slowly, to let these things go, give them over to God. He has a plan for me, i don't know what it is, if it has anything to do with what i want, or think i want, but His plan is perfect. even if i don't see it now, whatever He has planned is what's best for me, he knows what He's doing. and yet, i'm still holding on to things, i don't want to find out if they're in God's plan for me or not, i just want to hang on to them. this is an ongoing process, one that will never be complete. once you finally give something over, you realize there's something else now in it's place. i am learning to trust God for something that i really want, but am turning it over to Him. if it's His will, He will make it happen, if not, He has something better planned, something that i could never even imagine. this is a growing time for me, and it's hard. the thing is, it will never become easy either, trust is always hard, giving over our "control", as if we really have any, is never going to be easy. this is something i would appreciate prayer about.

memories

today was one of those days you spend remembering things from the past you hadn't really forgotten, but hadn't thought about for a long time. had some good laughs with my brother as we reminisced about our younger days...... remembering how evil we were to my grandma, hehehe! oh my word, gosh...... all the doggy kisses...... going to the beach with her, being told we weren't allowed to go deep in the water, so therefore, we would crouch down so it looked like the water was up to our necks and go calling out, Grandma Grandma, we're drowning! save us! remembering how she taught all of us how to tie our shoes, how there was some story that went along with it, something about a rabbit hole...... can't remember it at all now. then we talked about how we used to fight over the Land Before Time cups she had, how he always wanted Petry, but always ended up with Sara, and how Ducky was always and forever my favorite! oh man....... gosh, then we remembered how we have these "chocolate" spoons, that we got out of cocoa puffs boxes, that used to have the cuckoo bird thing on them, and he'd twirl down the spoon...... and trying to remember what this other spoon was that we'd fight over, we think it was some toy story spoon, and we both had a feeling it had something to do with the little green alien things, you know, the one's that go: i have been chosen, farewell my friends, i go to a better place. yeaahhhh, hahaha, gosh, and all those cups we used to have, the ones from pizza hut, and chucky cheese, hahahaha, and Captain America! and then these straws that would change colors when you drank something cold, then hot, then cold..... and these other straws that would whistle....... man..... all those memories...... wow, i haven't gone back and thought about all that in sooooo long. puts me in a rather strange mood, not sure how to describe it. it feels so weird to think about how things used to be like that, all the silly fun stuff we did, all the playgrounds, the zoos, the beaches, and then to think how i'm "grown up" (HA!) now.... esp. because of something my grandma was talking to my Dad about, but i tried very hard not to listen to them and talk with my Aunty instead, but i still caught some of it.
on another note, i learned something today! hahahahaha!!!!! so several times, there have been friends of mine who come into work holding a tie in their hands, and trying to find someone who knows how to tie one, they always come to me, begging me to tie their tie for them, and i always have to tell them that i don't know how to tie one........ but now i do!!!! i made Nathan show me, so now, everytime i feel the urge to wear a tie *cough cough*, there'll be nothing stopping me! hehe, ;-) actually, i have worn a tie before.... last April, when i spent a week in Wheaton, i was my sister's "date" to a banquet, and i 'stole' Nathan's three piece suit and a tie, that was awesome! i felt kinda stupid, but it was fun nontheless. ok, me needs to go to bed soon. nighties! (as usual, the clock here is messed up, so it's really about 1/4 after 9, not like 8, or whatever it says.)
OHO!!!! speaking of clocks! i know i know, i said i was going to bed, but now i have to write about this! i guess my little bro's clock had gotten unplugged at some point yesterday, and he fixed the time, but not the alarm, which means it was set at midnite....... and never changed.... he is one of those people who do not wake up.... like at all..... so midnite comes, and i wake up hearing an alarm in the next room, takes a long while for me to realize that it is not morning yet... no, it is midnite..... then why is an alarm ringing, and not stopping.... then i hear Nathan wake up, kinda, not fully yet, and start muttering, stop..... come on! stop! then he wakes up more fully, and goes ohhhhh! stop it! wake up! turn it off! come one! WAKE! UP!!!!! and finally, after several minutes, poor little Joely wakes up and turns it off. anyway, now i must go to bed.

life

life is complicated........ and only gets more so the older you get. i was talking with my best friend earlier today, remembering how things used to be, the kinds of decisions we had to make then, compared to now, and thinking about how when we finish this school year, that's it, high school is over...... next is college, and at that point, we're on our own really, make our own decisions, kinda be our own bosses. it's crazy. things just keep getting crazier and weirder....... why is my life so crazy??? i still don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing that i can push things away so easily and not think about them, cuz i'd go crazy if i let myself think about some of this stuff. anyway, can't think about that all now. too much going on. so in all the rush of last week, and coming home and being immediately thrust back into the crazy schedule of work, school, and orchestra, i totally forgot about the fact that my sisters birthday is tomorrow.......... and that i have an audition at Uconn tomorrow........ now all of a sudden, i need to practice again! OH! and, i have a violin lesson tonite! this month is just a crazy month, my lessons are all at really random times. well darn it, now i have to go practice. i wanted to watch a movie with my sis, but that's gonna have to wait til later.

home, and insanely busy

so i got home pretty much at midnite tuesday nite, which would mean really really early wed..... slept, woot! and got up in time to shower and leave for a 6 hour shift at work. came home to eat supper and left again for orchestra. then today, got up to shower again, left for another 6 hour shift at work, got home to eat, have like 45 minutes right now before leaving for yet another orchestra rehearsal........... i really haven't had time to just sit and relax at all since coming home! it's so crazy. gosh, and i have soooooo much going on in my head now. i just really need to kinda write about some of it, just as a relief, and as a way to figure out what i'm thinking, cuz that's just how i work. while i was at DePauw, one afternoon i totally filled 4 pages in my journal, thinking thru something that actually, the more i thought about it, the more upset it made me, which is why i'm trying not to think about it now. yeaaah. anyway, um, just got distracted with something, and don't remember what i was going to say....... well anyway, it's kinda weird at work now. people are starting to get on my case about something, and it's at the same time very sweet and cute, yet also a little annoying. it's kinda my business, and it's really sweet, but still, leave me alone guys. grrr, ha, i'm being very vague, i just realized that, but it's kinda slightly embarrassing, and i don't really want to just come out and say it. oh well. gosh darn it, there is just so much going on in my mind right now, and i can't really say any of it! rawr. there's something else that's bothering me too, but it's kindof a recurring thing, not anything new, i just can't figure it out, and i don't know when i will be able to, could take a long long time. and right now, i'm doing a lot of serious thinking about colleges, what exactly i'm looking for, and i'm having such a hard time. there seems to be an equal amount of pluses and minuses for the two schools i like the best. i'm trying so hard to be impartial, and i'm just getting more and more confused. i guess what's going to be one of the biggest deciding factor will be the financial aid, but oh my gosh, what if they both give me very similar amounts, what am i going to do? i guess i still have about two months to work on this, maybe things will get clearer by then. maybe. oh wow, i just thought of something....... it's just a thought, but if it's true...... hm, now i'm confused. meh, i need to stop thinking about this. haha, i have a theme song right now, but i'm saying what it is, so there! well, i have to get ready to leave for orchestra now. i should be home pretty much all day tomorrow, maybe i can write more then. sorry i'm such a vague person, esp. when i really wish i could be more open about things and just talk about them, i don't know why i close up so much. i just don't like being vulnerable i guess. ok, i gotta go.

heeheee!

well this is fun! except i have a lot of trouble with this Mac.... never used one before.... so different! anyway, just a real quicky, going home tomorrow, wah. i have yet another blog like thing! hahahahahaha! yeah, i know, how many can i possibly have??? anyway, the URL is: www.shoutlife.com/evilness_of_Rach yay, fun stuff! anyway, at's all for now, i'll write a real update later, poo. when i'm home.

me is in de midwest!!!! (bah but it is windy out here!)

lots of wind, lots of rain, lots of cold, and yet lots of fun! hehe, me has stolen the sister's lappy, muahahahaaaaa! she is ushering at a concert right now. i've been having fun. thursday was a crazy day. (that would be yesterday, now wouldn't it???? so weird, feels so long ago.) i went to bed shortly after 11 the nite before, bad i know..... and i didn't get to sleep until more like 11:30, and woke up at 5:30 in the morning, after a very fitful nite, ha, not that fun. didn't actually get up til 6, and did not eat breakfast.......... so bad. but gosh i love planes! it wasn't quite the same feeling this time as back last April when i flew for the first time. (at least in real life, i fly alllll the time in my dreams! hehehe!) this time i was with my Mom, it was different. i really like independence, it was awesome! it's just kinda different when i'm all by myself, somehow i'm more confident than when i'm with other people. anyway, i love flying!!!! gosh it's so much fun! i love the takeoff, how as the plane starts going down the runway, it gives this jerk as it starts going, and it goes fast right away, and just feels like it's pulling itself forward almost faster than it's really able to go. not like it's propelling itself, but pulling itself, and for a split second when it gets in the air, it feels like it will drop down again, yet it stays up, and there's this feeling that it can't possibly stay up, it has to fall down again, the whole time it's dragging itself higher and higher. oh my gosh and the views from way up there! i spent the first hour or so with my face pressed to the window! my Dad set it up so one of us would have the window seat going out, and the other coming back, and i had the hardest time in the world deciding whether i would rather see the views and the layers of clouds above and below me, or if i'd rather see all the lights from the cities at nite. finally decided on the the morning views, obviously. did you know they don't allow you to have water on the planes now? i knew about the whole sport drink thing, but i didn't know about water! so ridiculous! oh well. OH! guess what happened to us today? so we got a rental car so we can drive over to DePauw on Sunday and then back to the airport, and today, Mom was going to drive me over to the place she's staying, with a friend from church's mom, and we were going to hang out there for a while, and as we start driving, the car was bumping weirdly, and it got worse as we drove. i told her she should pull over, cuz it felt like the rear right tire was flat, and sure enough, it was! ha, so that was fun. we called the friend to ask if she could take me over to the conserv so i could practice before going to one of Sarah's studio things, otherwise i'd have to wait in the car doing nothing for up to two hours, or walk about 20 min. in the cold and rainyness. i'd prolly have done that too..... ha, and gotten lost...... we weren't on campus at that point, if we were, i'd know where to go cuz i know the campus pretty well, spent a week there back in April, think i already mentioned that tho...... i'm losing it.... i need sleep. my internal clock is so messed up right now! what with the crazyness of yesterday, then going to bed at what for me was 10:30, but here was 9:30, stupid time zone, messes everything up, lol. have no clue what time i woke up, cuz it took me like an hour to realize there was a clock just behind the pillow....... i'm so smart........ ehyah.... but anyway, i woke up sometime before 7, here time...... and couldn't sleep anymore, hadn't actually slept well all nite anyway, really really really strange dreams, a few disturbing ones, and one that actually made me cry, like i literally woke up crying....... but anyway, the rest of the day was good, and now i'm tired. i have no idea what time this will say i'm posting, cuz the clock on this site is so messed up. last time a posted, i checked the time, and this clock was 20 minutes behind, not half an hour, but 20 minutes..... which does not make sense. so right here it is 7:45, for the rest of you guys, it would be 8:45. and now i'm gonna go..... and..... er.... uh..... hm...... dunno.... do something...... i'll figure it out.

gooodbye new england!

hehe, changed my song, thing is, you can't really understand what he's saying most of the time, but i like it anyway. ok, so, i finally remembered what i was going to say, actually, i wanted to write it a while ago, but kept forgetting it. i worked on New Years, that was the day we took down all the Christmas stuff, and can you guess what i noticed? it took me quite a while to realize it, but the entire candy section was pink and red....... and full of hearts! it was a week after Christmas, and they had already moved into Valentine's Day mode! do you know how sad that is? people get so hooked up on holidays, make them so big and put so much effort into them, esp. the ones that don't mean anything, or that they've twisted the meanings for. Christmas is such a huge deal, but for all the wrong reasons, Easter is pretty big too, but it's totally all about the easter bunny and candy now, nothing about the real meaning anymore. i used to think Valentine's Day was just always the way it's portrayed now, but a couple years ago i heard the real story behind the day, and it's really sad the way we've twisted it into what it is today. but what's really sad are the people who put sooo much effort into these holidays, it's like it's their life work to have the biggest parties, get all the merchandise, have the biggest displays, and just spend their whole lives on things that aren't worth it, and totally miss the real purpose of this life. just seeing people like this makes me heartsick and want to do something, if only i knew what. (i know i know, you guys don't often see me like this, i'm not all that serious on here ever. but i do have a very serious side, i guess i just don't let it come out very often.) well anyway..... must get ready for work, and do some more packing. ha! i just know it, somehow, i'll magically make everything fit in one suitcase to get out there, but then there's no way i'll be able to make it fit to come back. now why is that how it always works out??

leaving!!!!!

ok you peoples! ah am leaving early thursday mornin! me is going to two colleges to audition, scary! don't know if i'll update tomorrow, prolly will, but don't know. an i might not get to update whilst i'm gone. we shall have to see. so now i've been accepted to two schools, both of em i'm not really interested in. but see, i'm accepted to the school, but i still have to go audition to be accepted to the music department. all my others schools, i audition, and based on that i get accepted. if i get accepted to the music department or conservatory or whatever, cuz they're all different, then i'm automatically accepted to the school. anyhow, tis going to be exciting! and terrifying...... hey, guess what? today, for the first time in a loooong time, it stayed below freezing! well that is.... until about now, it's about 40 out there, but that's still colder than it has been lately. darn it! i was so sure there was something i told myself last nite that i had to write about today, and i totally do not remember what it is. crap. mrph, no way i'm gonna think of it now. well, must get ready for work now. YAY! i love my Big Y, gonna miss it while i'm gone.....

pictures

me has just added a few more pictures, of me lovely Sarah! no pics of me, i'm really not photogenic.... like atall. so yeah, that's all i wanted to say.

I was sure by now, God You would have reached down/ and wiped our tears away,/ stepped in and saved the day./ But once again, I say amen/ and it's still raining/ as the thunder rolls/ I barely hear You whisper through the rain,/ "I'm with you"/ and as Your mercy falls/ I raise my hands and praise/ the God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise you in this storm/ and I will lift my hands/ for You are who You are/ no matter where I am/ and every tear I've cried/ You hold in your hand/ You never left my side/ and though my heart is torn/ I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind/ You heard my cry to You/ and raised me up again/ my strength is almost gone how can I carry on/ if I can't find You/ and as the thunder rolls/ I barely hear You whisper through the rain/ "I'm with you"/ and as Your mercy falls/ I raise my hands and praise/ the God who gives and takes away
And I'll praise you in this storm/ and I will lift my hands/ for You are who You are/ no matter where I am/ and every tear I've cried/ You hold in your hand/ You never left my side/ and though my heart is torn/ I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills/ where does my help come from?/ My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth/ I lift my eyes unto the hills/ where does my help come from?/ My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
And I'll praise you in this storm/ and I will lift my hands/ for You are who You are/ no matter where I am/ and every tear I've cried/ You hold in your hand/ You never left my side/ and though my heart is torn/ I will praise You in this storm

crazy weather!

so it is January....... and temps are still in the 50's! it actually got up to 60 today, it was insane! i'm not complaining, i hate the cold, but it kinda feels weird. i do want the snow, just not the cold that comes with it. it just doesn't feel like winter, and i can't make my mind comprehend that it's January already. anyhow, been watching some good movies. haha, watched North and South last nite, sooooo good! hehehehe, yeah, four hours long, so it was 11 when it was done...... bad, i was so tired today, but i didn't really care, there was no way i could only watch part of it, had to finish it! it put me in such a sappy mood tho. lol. i love those types of stories, Jane Austen and Elizabeth Gaskell, such good stuff. Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Wives and Daughters, North and South, such good stuff! ha, i forgot about something i was gonna write about earlier, like last week. one morning, i was getting ready to leave for work, was wearing a white top, like we have to, and tan pants that were actually almost white, and Sarah sits up in bed, it was prolly like 10 in the morning, and she was just getting up, and she looks at me and goes, well don't you look just like an angel. and then, hahahaha! we BOTH started singing the Elvis song You Look Like An Angel, keeheeheeee! and then she opened her computer and found the song and played it! oh gosh i love it, you look like an angel/ walk like an angel/ talk like an angel/ but i got wise/ you're the devil in disguise/ oh yes you are/ the devil in disguise oh i love it! hehe, anyway, random. so i went to see a movie with a friend today, have not spent enough time with her recently, so it was fun, we saw Night at the Museum! oh it was so much fun! i loved it! aw but Dick Van Dyke is getting so old! it makes me so sad! we have most of the Dick Van Dyke show episodes, and have been watching them since before i can remember, and we used to watch the Diagnosis Murder show. and of course all the movies he's been in. oh oh oh! you'll never guess what i got today!!!! hahaha!!!!!!! oh dear, so i went into Claire's with my friend, and she found me these earings..... and they were flip flops!!!!!!! haaaaa! those are going to become like my favorite pair now! anyway..... just received my first acceptance letter in the mail today...... they said a lot of really nice things about my application, my essays, and my recommendations. plus i qualified for several different scholarship things. but it's not really one of the schools i really want to go to, it was more like a, i know i'd be accepted here, it's a good christian school, know several friends there, parents want me to apply, so i will. anyway, busy doing scholarship searches..... not fun. ha, but did you know that i'm eligible for several special scholarships just cuz i have epilepsy? kinda interesting. well anyway, i'm really hungry, must find some food. wonder why we haven't eaten yet..... weird..... guess everyone's too busy watching movies. Beautiful Mind, good movie! ok then, bye guys!

hmmmm

so..... yesterday....... i spoke a little too soon about the stalker, for i saw him again yesterday, first time in a long time...... and it startled me so bad, and i was shaking he makes me that scared. i told Sean who was bagging a couple lanes over about him, and asked if he could take over my register if he came. i was hoping Jay had scared him enough that he wouldn't, but just in case.... he def looked at me a lot as he walked thru the store getting what he needed, but then, he went down to register 8, and i was on 3! YESSSSSSSS! thing is tho, he watched me the whole time he was in line there, creepy. and even tho he was closer to the door down that way, he walked back towards me so he could go past me, ew ew! at least he didn't go thru my line, and i'm soooo thankful to Jay now. yeah, so that was that. other thing i wanted to say, i am frustrated right now. my last seizure was last Tuesday, and i was good all week after that, and was getting so excited, when darn it all, i had one on Monday....... and then another one yesterday........ what is this????? why doesn't anything work? grrr. meh. really not cool. anyway...... watched a good movie today...... haaa, love it! good chick flick........ and just bought some music, i have too many somgs right now that relate to what i'm thinking and feeling right now, can't choose one..... want to put up some lyrics tho, so i need to choose one.
i'm awake in the afternoon/ i fell asleep in the living room/ and it's one of those moments/ when everything is so clear
before the truth goes back into hiding/ i want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding/ to work on finding something more than this fear
it takes so much out of me to pretend/ tell me now, tell me how to make amends
maybe, i need to see the daylight/ to leave behind this half-life/ don't you see i'm breaking down
lately, something here don't feel right/ this is just a half-life/ is there really no escape?/ no escape from time/ of any kind
i keep trying to understand/ this thing and that thing, my fellow man/ i guess i'll let you know/ when i figure it out
but i don't mind a few mysteries/ they can stay that way it's fine by me/ and you are another mystery i am missing

it be's 2oo7!!!

wow, it feels kinda weird! 2007 always seemed a long way off, the year that everything happens..... graduate, senior recital, audition for college, go to college...... all that stuff...... this is scary guys. i can't believe i have auditions in less than 2 weeks!!!! oh gosh, i am going to die...... but really, i'm excited, i love travelling, cuz i never get to do it. this will be only my second time on a plane, first time was last April, went to Wheaton to spend a week with Sarah. haha, yeah, my first time on a plane and i went all by meself! it was kinda scary, but at the same time awesome. so how was everyone's Christmas and New Years? hope it was amazing. we had a lot of fun, even tho we didn't do all that much. meh, but now everyone's leaving again..... just think tho, next year, this will be me...... nooooooooo! heh, people at work are mad at me cuz i'm planning on going away to school, hahaha, midwest at that! no way i could still work, heh, can't exactly commute..... but at least on vacations. anyway, don't need to be thinking that far ahead right now. like the new music? Michael Buble, (supposed to be this little slashy line above that last "e" but this dumb puter don't have that option.... least not that i know of....) anyway, i really really like his stuff, can really relate to a lot of it, at least on the CD i have. (heehee, or more like stole from mah sis, haha!) hm, darn it, i was so sure i had specific things i wanted to write about when i finally got on here, but now i have absolutely no idea what they were. darn. oho! ok, so one of the things i was gonna write about was Eragon. as if it deserves to be written about..... went to see the movie with fam last week, me and Nathan were so disappointed! really, it was terrible, so totally left out everything important, and then everything else too..... it was so short, and choppy, and full of holes, it was awful. we went home and we had to get the book, haha, and the two of us sat down and started reading it together, hehe! anyway, also saw Chicken Run at youth group the other nite, forgot how much i love that movie! it's been a long time, had kinda forgot a lot of my favorite parts, so it was a lot of fun! love my youth group, haven't been able to go for a long time, now i'm really looking forward to the Bible Study, at least as much of it as i can make it to. grr...scholarship searching is no fun. and i've been on here too long, gots other stuff to do before work again. AH! forgot about work! ok, so, yesterday was awesome! had a shift from 4-9, and had not realized that we closed at 9 last nite cuz it was new Years, we usually close at 11, and since i'm not 18 yet, i'm not allowed to stay past 10, so i've never closed. anyway, that excited me tremendously when i found out i was closing! but anyway, the store was pretty empty and dead the whole time, so i got to wander away from my register quite a bit, straighten up magazine racks, collect green baskets and stack them, make sure there were enough at both entrances, clean registers, just stand around and talk, and then, haha, the most fun, help talk down all the garlands up front! oh we had so much fun with that! Ben, Will, and i, hahahaha! gosh, so Ben and Will were the ones to actually stand up on the registers and pull the tape off the ceiling where they were attached, cuz i couldn't reach high enough, but then i helped unwind them from the poles, and we played with the pieces that would break off. Will and i decorated ourselves with them, put pieces behind our ears, he put one in his tie, i made a necklace and wrapped one around my name badge, heehee, it was fun! but it felt so weird at about 8, when it was just the two of us left up front, and Brian all alone in the booth, and like, maybe 3 customers in the store, it was so dead. and then to walk thru the store when my shift was done and there being only Noah, Trisha, Will, Brian, Johnny, and me left in the entire store, it was weirdness. but fun! oh forgot, i never told you all what i found out about my stalker. so i have not seen him since the last time i wrote about him, that time that Nancy took over my register for me. well Jay told me last week that he had seen him shortly after that, and gave him quite a "talk" warning him to leave me be or there would be trouble, threatened him, and told him how he'd be watching for him, and he'd tell all these other people too, like Noah, and he hasn't been seen there since! oh i was so thankful! anyway, i'm really done this time, must go get some nourishment, me is hungry.......