home, and insanely busy

so i got home pretty much at midnite tuesday nite, which would mean really really early wed..... slept, woot! and got up in time to shower and leave for a 6 hour shift at work. came home to eat supper and left again for orchestra. then today, got up to shower again, left for another 6 hour shift at work, got home to eat, have like 45 minutes right now before leaving for yet another orchestra rehearsal........... i really haven't had time to just sit and relax at all since coming home! it's so crazy. gosh, and i have soooooo much going on in my head now. i just really need to kinda write about some of it, just as a relief, and as a way to figure out what i'm thinking, cuz that's just how i work. while i was at DePauw, one afternoon i totally filled 4 pages in my journal, thinking thru something that actually, the more i thought about it, the more upset it made me, which is why i'm trying not to think about it now. yeaaah. anyway, um, just got distracted with something, and don't remember what i was going to say....... well anyway, it's kinda weird at work now. people are starting to get on my case about something, and it's at the same time very sweet and cute, yet also a little annoying. it's kinda my business, and it's really sweet, but still, leave me alone guys. grrr, ha, i'm being very vague, i just realized that, but it's kinda slightly embarrassing, and i don't really want to just come out and say it. oh well. gosh darn it, there is just so much going on in my mind right now, and i can't really say any of it! rawr. there's something else that's bothering me too, but it's kindof a recurring thing, not anything new, i just can't figure it out, and i don't know when i will be able to, could take a long long time. and right now, i'm doing a lot of serious thinking about colleges, what exactly i'm looking for, and i'm having such a hard time. there seems to be an equal amount of pluses and minuses for the two schools i like the best. i'm trying so hard to be impartial, and i'm just getting more and more confused. i guess what's going to be one of the biggest deciding factor will be the financial aid, but oh my gosh, what if they both give me very similar amounts, what am i going to do? i guess i still have about two months to work on this, maybe things will get clearer by then. maybe. oh wow, i just thought of something....... it's just a thought, but if it's true...... hm, now i'm confused. meh, i need to stop thinking about this. haha, i have a theme song right now, but i'm saying what it is, so there! well, i have to get ready to leave for orchestra now. i should be home pretty much all day tomorrow, maybe i can write more then. sorry i'm such a vague person, esp. when i really wish i could be more open about things and just talk about them, i don't know why i close up so much. i just don't like being vulnerable i guess. ok, i gotta go.