i know i should be in bed........

i just can't stop crying....... i can't understand it.... there was nothing wrong with him, why?????? yet again, the lyrics to Faith Hill's Somewhere Down the Road are going thru my mind. so, for all you who have absolutely no clue what i'm talking about.......... Professor Peter Sacco from Uconn had a brain aneurism last week.......... was in a coma on life support......... just found out last nite that they took him off............. and i can't stop crying. i loved Prof Sacco sooooo much, it was because of him and his camp last summer that i started really getting into my violin more and becoming serious about it. he was always so sweet to me, so thoughtful and helpful, he cared about everyone, but somehow there was kinda something special. and he specifically invited me to join his orchestra last year, and always had a smile for me, something kind to say, a hug to give............ actually the last time i got to see him was the first rehearsal this year, he was so happy to see me again and gave me this giant hug. then as we rehearse the second movement of the Dvorak, he randomly says that movement would be the death of him............. and half a week later he's in the hospital............... we worked that movement last nite................. a week and a half after it happened............. and i almost didn't make it thru, it was so mournful, it was like funeral music. i've never experienced this before, no i one i've known has ever died......... i mean, there's been a couple people i sorta knew who they were, sorta..... but nothing like this, and it's killing me. he was so wonderful. he couldn't have been even 60, he was healthy, why? i know all that it's in God's hands, He has a plan, there's a reason for it, all that, i know............. but i don't like it, i really really wish it could be some other way, just not like this........... i don't want him to be gone, it hurts......... so much. and now i shall go cry myself to sleep, for the second nite in a row.