ok, time to actually write about something

alright, so i promised i'd write about it, so here goes. most of you know now, maybe all of you, i really don't know exactly who all reads this, but i have epilepsy, had an operation 8 years ago to remove a brain tumor that was causing me to have seizures, and was kept on meds for a while after to make sure it was under control, see, they couldn't get all the tumor then, the way it was and with the technology they had. well anyway, couple years and i was able to stop taking the meds cuz there was no change and i was fine. that is, until a couple years ago, i started having seizures again for no apparent reason, and had to go back on meds. thing is, they only worked for a little while this time, and then they just weren't controlling the seizures, and i was having them still, even when we upped the meds a lot. so then, to the present, we switched insurances recently, and had to get a new neurosurgeon and neurologist. the neurosurgeon is the one who has been finding everything out and giving us all the good information, and the neurologist is just stupid, really. see, even i know that my body just isn't responding to the meds anymore, i've just been on them too long, the neurosurgeon even said that, but the neurologist, whose job it is to know these things and take care of them, just doesn't seem to get it. see right now, i'm taking a very high dose of medication, like really high, i take, well, i took 1000 mg everyday, and he was like that's a really high dose, we really don't want to go any higher to try and control it, if we go any higher, there'd be a high risk of side effects........ let's go higher! and now i'm taking 1200 mg a day. i'm just like, what the heck! you just said it would be bad, we don't want to go there, and then turned around and said to go higher, you really just don't know what you're doing, what i need to do is switch meds, seriously. well anyway, my neurosurgeon had my Mom bring in all my old films, from back right after my surgery. that's when we finally found everything out. see, my tumor is such a slow growing tumor that when you compare the latest film to the one 6 months before or even a year before, you can't see any change, but when compared to 8 years ago, yeah..... it's a grown a lot. i have to have another surgery now, but the good thing is that in 8 years, technology has advanced quite a bit, and now they'll be able to remove all of it so this won't happen again. there's like this computer machine thing that helps in some way... not sure how, it's called the Symphony tho, so that's cool. and then, because of the type of tumor, there's almost no way they can get all of it, just because it has so many tiny tiny "fingers" spreading out, which is why they couldn't get it all last time, but with the new machine thing they can get even up to 99%, and then do radiation to get the rest. they had talked about doing radiation last time too, but at that point, technology was such that they'd have to radiate the whole head, now they can isolate specific regions and radiate just there, so now they can def get all of it. which is a very good prospect for me. anyway, that's actually not going to happen for a while, there's just no time to fit it in right now, i have a bunch of auditions coming up, and the way they're set up, there's not enough time between them to have surgery and recover before auditioning, so i have to wait till after those, but then March, after auditions, i have a retreat and NEMFA, so it would have to be after that, and then April 1st, (Palm Sunday, and i'm not joking!) is our Easter cantata, which like the Christmas one we just did, will be an original work by Mr. Shaw, and will be the premier performance, so i really want to do that too. ha, but i just found out that he would like to have two performances, and i don't know when the other is, so really, i might have to wait even longer, and still be recovering during my birthday! since it's going to be so long until then, my Mom talked with the neurologist, and convinced him to get me on a different medication, so right now i am beginning the long process of weaning off one and gradually increasing the other. well........... enough of that. the cantata was sooo much fun yesterday! i love singing it, and we had such a huge audience! the church was absolutely packed, we even had people up in the choir loft! i just loved it, course it wasn't perfect, but i enjoyed it so much! hahaha, you know what i just found out today........ hahahahahahahaha! oh gosh, a week from today is Christmas...... and i seriously did not realize it was that soon! sad, i know, but really, i'm a pretty clueless person, i really am. ok, well, i have practicing to do. and then i'm gonna watch a chick flick, hehehe! (seriously, you gotta love a good chick flick, really, and yes, every guy should see at least one! and no, it is not an oxymoron =P)